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As You Me So I You Blackwood Cherrycake Down-Beat Everything For The Cat
Far-Looking-Tower Give Not So On Give Someone A Running-Passport Heavy On Wire
Hold The Air On I Believe Me Kicks A Horse I Break Together I Only Understand Railroad Station
It Knocks Me Out The Socks Me Falls A Stone From Heart Me Goes A Light Open Me Smells
Now Is The Oven Out Nothing For Ungood The Better-Knower The Falling Umbrella Jumper
The Flying Harbour The Ghost-Driver The Newspaper-Duck The Nose-Leg-Break
The People-Car-Factory The Picture-Umbrella The Power-Soup The Pub-Part
To Come On The Dog To Come In Devils Kitchen To Shine Someone Home Train Birds
Undertaker You Are Going Me On The Alarm-Clock You Are Going Me On The Cookie You're On The Woodway



Two strangers meet in London
 

They start a conversation but they usually have to use their dictionary quite often.

A: Hello, Sir! How goes it you?
 B: Oh, thank you for the afterquestion.
A: Are your already long here?
 B: No, first a pair days. I'm not out London.
 A: Thunderweather, that overrushes me, you see not so out.
 B: That can yes beforecome. But now what other: my hairs stood to mountains as I the traffic saw. So much cars gives it here.
 A: You are heavy on the woodway if you believe that in London horsedroveworks go.
 B: Will we now drink a beer? My throat is outdried. But look, there is a guesthouse, let us there man go!
 A: That is a good idea. Equal goes it loose, I will only my shoeband close.
 B: Here we are. Make me please the door open.
 A: But there is a beforehangingcastle, the economy is to. How sorry! Then I will go back to the hotel, it is already retard. On againsee!
 B: Oh, yes, I will too go. I must become my draught to Bristol. Auf Wiedersehen!
 A: Nanu, sie sind Deutscher?
 B: Ja, sie auch? Das wundert mich aber. Ihr Englisch ist so hervorragend, dass ich es gar nicht bemerkt hätte.



Fit in English

I was talking to my friend from London on the phone last night. He said, "My dad has a lot of people who work for him." I said, "Oh, he must be an undertaker." 

My friend was shocked when I said this. Why?

 You understood that your friend's father has his own business or is an entrepreneur. You translated the German "unter" into "under", and "nehmer" into "taker". But the word undertaker in English means something very different - "Leichenbestatter"!
My Irish friend David was in our school play. I told him, "I hope you break your neck and leg!" David was shocked. He said, "That's a bit extreme!" 

What did I say wrong?

Oops! You wanted to wish your friend good luck. In German, actors say "Hals und Beinbruch" to each other before they go on stage. But in English, the leg is the only body part you should break. You should have told your friend to "break a leg"!
My friend from England came to visit me and we went for a drive. When we got in the car I said, "You should belt up." She said, "Oh, I thought you wanted to practise your English!" 

Why was she angry?


You tried to tell your friend to fasten her seat belt, or buckle up. In the US you can also tell someone to do that by saying belt up. But in British English, telling someone to belt up is another way of saying shut up!
I rang my friend in London to tell him that my parents were taking me to England this summer. I said: "When I heard the news, I was on cloud seven!" He answered: "I think you landed on the wrong cloud." 

What did he mean?


You told your friend you were on cloud seven , meaning you were extremely happy. Your friend probably understood you, because there's a similar expression in English. But in English you'd say you were on cloud nine, not seven!
Last weekend I was cleaning with my Irish host mother. My six-year-old host brother came in and took a bottle of bleach. I screamed, "Don't touch that! It's gift!" He said, "Oh, who is it for? Is it someone's birthday?" 

Why did he say that?


You tried to warn your host brother that the liquid in the bottle was poison. But you used the German word Gift, which in English means present (Geschenk) – something that you give to someone on a birthday or other special day. Poison wouldn't be a very nice gift, would it?!
I went to a traditional Irish restaurant while on holiday in Ireland. I needed to use the toilet, but the doors had strange words on them. I didn’t know what to do! I had to run all the way back to my hotel! 

Help! 
How embarrassing !

The strange words you saw on the WC doors were the Irish words for “men” and “women”. Fir means men and mná means women. Don’t forget this the next time you’re in Ireland!
My Australian friend Harry asked me what I usually do during the day. I told him, "I visit school." Harry said, "That must be nice. I have to stay at school all day long." 

I don't understand!


You tried to translate Schule besuchen into English, but you made a mistake. When you visit a place or person, you stay at that place or with that person for just a short time. You should have told Harry that you attend or go to school every day.
Last Saturday night I was bored and had nothing to do. So I rang up my friend Kate and asked her if she wanted to go for a ride.

She got angry! What did I say?


In Britain and Ireland if you ask someone to go for a ride it means you want to have sex with them. If you only want to get in a car and go somewhere, you should say you want to go for a drive.

 

 

How to Address a Politically-Correct,

N.O.N.-.S.E.X.I.S.T. Business Letter

 

Let us look at the standard opening phrase of a standard business letter:

 

Dear Sir,

well, this is clearly s.e.x.i.s.t. as it precludes the possibility that a woman is reading the letter. we can try to fix this, however, by writing:

 

 Dear Sir/Madam,

this was suggested in a recent posting in a few of the gender-issue related news groups. however, someone pointed out that by putting the masculine title before the feminine one, unacceptable dominance was demonstrated, making this non-political-correct. so, i tried to fix it:

 

Dear Madam/Sir,

Well, this is a not good since we´re showing dominance in the other direction. Of course, since Men are Oppresors and Womyn are Oppressees, that may not be so bad. But it´s not *really* PC, is it? Ok, let´s try again:

 

Dear Sir

Madam,

Well, that solves the problem of who goes first. Of course, the Sir is on the top now, which is completely unaccaptable Missionary Style ….. imagery abounds. Very bad news, probably worse than the original. Ok, what about:

 

Dear Madam

Sir,

You still have one on top of the other showing dominance. We may not sure whoßs doing what, but *somebody* is being oppressed here. Next:

 

 Dear MadSiram,

Put the Sir inside the Madam, ok , neither is going first an neither is above th other one. Ok? NO! This is terrible! The Sir has inserted himself inside the Madam! Practically splitting her in two with himself! A man writing a letter addressed like this to a woman is obvously making an (unwanted) optical advance. If he were at antioch college, he´d be suspend for a year and have to go through rehabilitation.

 

 Dear SMadamir,

Now we put the Madam inside the Sir. Oh, now the Sir has enveloped the Madam! Horrors, she has lost her identity, her sens of self! This is impresionment! Ugh, how could I have even throught of this one?? I´m so ashamed! Well, there´s only one answer left:

 

 To Whom it May Concern

There. Simple, ne reference to verbidden things, no problems. Not very friendly, but then again unwanted intimacy is a sin. And getting rid of friendliness is a small price to pay to make sure that absolutely no-one is ever, *ever* offended.

 

 

Choose the best word to build compound
 nouns related to accounting and taxation.


1. The bank has lost $703 million as a result of bad _____.
customers  loss  profit  loans  debts 
 
2. A balance _____ is a statement that shows the value of a company's assets and its debts.
sheet  paper  line  graph  document 
 
3. A bean _____ is a tight-fisted accountant who works for a large company.
counter  fighter  producer  setter  writer 
 
4.  Capital _____ are the buildings and machines owned by a business.
stakes shares  goods  expenditures  assets 
 
5. Capital _____ are profits made by selling buildings or machines.
stakes  wins  profits  gains  losses 
 
6. Capital _____ is money which is spent on buildings and equipment.
spending  investment  return  costs  expense 
 
7. Creative _____ is finding ways of explaining how money has been spent while hiding what has really happened to it.
accounting  audit  auditing  booking  bookmaking 
 
8. A _____ account (US checking account) is a bank account which usually earns low interest and to which you have quick access.
black  bank  profit  current  credit 
 
9. I can put this lunch on my _____ account. My employer will pay for it.
expense  expenditure  employer's costs  bank 
 
10.  _____ accounting is the crime of changing or destroying records to obtain money.
Bad  Black  False  Intuitive  Wrong 
 
11. A _____ item is a single part of a financial statement giving details of the accounts of a company. (US English)
set  row  queue  line  bad 
 
12. A profit _____ is the difference between the amount of money that a company receives for a product and the amount which it has spent on it.
interest  line  margin  mark  sum 
 
13. A _____ packet (US ___ envelope) is an envelope containing a person's earnings.
employee  pay  purse  salary  wage 
 
14. A _____ packet (US ___check) is the amount of money a person earns.
prize  fee  wage  pay  salary 
 
15. Petty _____ is a small amount of money kept in the company's office for buying cheap items.
bank  note  cash  dollar  money 
 
16. A profit _____ is the profit that can be made in a business after the costs have been deducted.
gain  loss  margin  plus  tax 
 
17.  A sales _____ is the book which contain a list of all company sales arranged by date.
book  journal  logging  note  notebook 
 
18.  Credit _____ systems make sure that debtors do not owe too much money.
check  control  proof  restraint  watch 
 
19.  _____ tax is the money that a person has to pay to the government, such as income tax.
An indirect A value added tax A high A government A direct 
 
20. Duty-_____ goods are luxury goods bought in special shops on which you do not pay tax.
fail  fiend  free  friendly  less
 
21. CEO stands for
Central Economics Office Chief Economics Officer Chief Executive Officer Central Executive Office Call Emergency Operator
 
22. What is a bull market?
Somewhere where they sell cows and bulls When stock brokers are lying An area in Birmingham When the stock market is doing badly When the stock market is doing well
 
23. The abbreviation 'Ltd.,' is short for:
listed lasted lettered limited littered
 
24. I'm sorry but I can't ____ your opinion on that.
take share give find
 
25. I very much regret that we must ____ company on that issue
divide devise part leave
 
26. Let's be honest about it we'll never garee on that because our views are diametrically ____
apposed imposed supposed opposed
 
27. We'll never agree, that's clear so let's ____ to differ.
ask bid beg try